1. Recast Peeta. Sorry J Hutch fans, sorry I'm not at all even slightly sorry. That person is so annoying and short and when I saw him at the MTV movie awards I wanted to kick him in his face, which wouldn't be that difficult because he is so annoying and short as previously mentioned. They should have gone with trouty-mouth-Glee-sensation Chord Overstreet. He's extra fitting because his name is as weird as Peeta's. He's bigger and more baker-like. Here's a photo of his big, baker-like chest.
2. Peace out Gale. That's right, recast Gale. I said it. I'll say it again. Recast Gale! Miley's boo is too enormous, and broad, and full-lipped. Galey Gale is supposed to be lean, and mysterious, and Seamy. Miley's boo also has to go because I have bigger plans for his brother, and it would be weird if people from District 12 and District 4 were siblings.... You know who's Seamy? I will tell you who is Seamy. Andrew Garfield is Seamy. The Seamiest. Far too old to actually be Gale, yes. But he has the Seamy face of a much younger adolescent boy. Here's Garfield looking brooding and mysterious. Oh, so Seamy.
3. Johanna Mason. As far as I'm concerned, Johanna is the star of my Hunger Games heart. She cray. The interweb's rumor mill had been saying Mia WazaAliceinWonderCrapkowski was in the running to be my Johanna. If that had happened, I would have to skip the movie and wait until it came out on DVD/BluRay. Then, I'd host the DVD/BluRay equivalent of a book burning party. She is known as "The Worst Actress Ever" by the voices in my head. Now I think they're going with this unknown model person. That's fine. Here's the real deal though: Rashida Jones (when you eliminate Leslie Knope telling Ann how sweet and beautiful she is, Rashida could be an awesome Johanna), Natalie Portman (proven ability to rock the pants off of a shaved head and to be quietly terrifying ala Black Swan), Yaya DaCosta (Boom, mind blown. She can forget all of Tyra's lessons about smiling with her eyes finally.)!!
4. Finnick Odair. Oh, Finnick. [Swoon]. What a wonderful character. [Swoon]. The best character. [SWOON]. The character. [Swoony Swoon]. Let's NOT ruin him and make me throw up by casting Robert Pattinson: known creepy, glistening vampire. Finnick glistens ironically. Robert is the worst. Collins crafted him so wonderfully into an unbelievably beautiful and complex character; plus he's a hot piece of 4 if you know what I mean, and I think you do. Finnick needs to be black in my opinion because that's how I pictured him and I'm always right. I heard (around the interweb rumor mill, of course) that Jesse Williams is being considered. [Swoooooooooooon]. I would be oh so happy if that happened. I say, YES! I say a lot of other things too though: Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Henry Cavill, Armie Hammer, Jesse Metcalfe, aaaaaand Richard Madden. Let me put this into pop-culture-laymen's-terms for you: Thor, Captain America, Duke of Suffolk, Winklevi, John Tucker, Robb Stark. WHOA! Here's some incredibly objectifying photos of them with their shirts off like how we meet Finnick in the book.
Those are some Bad Ass hunky dudes. They're all good actors too. I couldn't find a satisfactorily obnoxious/shirtless photo of Richard Madden, mostly because Robb Stark is so proper, and perfect, and a gentleman, and so apparently is Richard Madden. So instead here's a picture of him and Jon Snow: the loves of my life. This is them brooding and being best friends/bastard-bros on a red carpet somewhere.
5. Beetee. Wipe the drool off your faces. Finnick time is over. We need to move on from Finnick! Get your head back in the game. Beetee! A friend's tumblr (which is dedicated to Johanna <3) suggested Jon Stewart play Beetee. Lol, I like that and you should too. I also think about Ewan McGregor, Andy Serkis, and drumroll, Ben Linus of LOST fame. I think it should be Ben Linus; he can already wear the shit out of his round glasses. If it's McGregor I would require his contract to stipulate that he rock the Obi-Wan hair cut (rat-tail included) during the production of the film.
6. Wiress. Toni Collette. Bye.
7. The Morphlings. Oh, sweet Morphings. You jaundicey yet loveable drug bags, you. Helena Bonham Carter and Edward Norton. A, because they are the weirdo-est actors. B. I am now picturing them painting each other and acting strange and mumbling. And they're really good at it in my head. And C, because Fight Club is still a great movie.
There are more characters, but these are the ones that would break my Hunger Games heart if they were cast really badly. Don't you ruin this for me Hollywood. Don't you do that to me! However, I owe you a thank you, Hollywood. Thank you for Jennifer Lawrence. What a Katniss.
Plz h!re m3,
Erin
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